A past self supporting a future self

Hello there and welcome to my digital sketchbook/ journal/ BLOG! In true milennial fashion, I'm nostalgic for the days of blogging circa 2008 and so I'm gonna create this digital sketchbook journal as a way to document my ever-evolving spirit for me and for you!

You probably know me as Anisa, the landscape painter in Portland. I'm a landscape painter, yes, BUT I'm also a mother of 2 awesome kids, a daughter of a botanist and a forester, a loving wife, a whimsical child at heart, a daydreamer, a color enthusiast, a crafty nerd, a mixed race girlie, HSP (highly sensitive person), devoted dog-mom, silly goose, a thrifter, a forest bather, a cake decorator, an installation artist, a cancer survivor, and more to be discovered.

Since July 2025, I've been battling triple negative breast cancer. There were many lows, but also many glimmers along the way...

One incredible glimmer was the surprise of seeing my own artwork adorning the treatment spaces at Kaiser Permanente Central Interstate in Portland where I received care for breast cancer. I knew that I had some artwork hanging at this location, but I had forgotten where since the art firm I worked with furnished this project years ago. In December 2024, I went to get a mammogram (above) and was surprised to see my artwork greet me on my way to the exam room. What a welcomed sight to ease my anxiety before getting my boob smooshed in a giant machine!

Fast forward 6 months when I was hiking with my lil fam on Mt. Rainier and received a call about a mass found on a routine breast MRI (me being high-risk = more intensive screening). During my first oncology appointment, I stumbled upon my artwork in the hospital waiting room and in the hallways to the exam room! I got teary-eyed to see prints of my old work greet me unexpectedly during a moment when I felt terrified and uncertain of what the future held. I knew art was powerful, of course, because I have been moved by other people's work. But it wasn't until I was on the receiving end of my own art that I really believed that I could provide others such emotional support!! So much of being an artist has been following my creative intuition without fully knowing whether or not it will have an impact on anyone other than me (yes working as an artist feels so self-indulgent sometimes!). I've just had to make the art and the reason behind its meaning or importance hasn't been revealed till much later.

To be held so closely by my artwork while receiving chemotherapy infusions at Kaiser Permanente Interstate felt like such a gift from the universe and from my past self. I finished SIXTEEN rounds of intense chemotherapy over 5 months and was delighted to finish the last infusion on Dec. 29th right before the 2026 New Year. So long cancer! Hope to see ya NEVER!

Thinking that the artwork treasure hunt was over, I was SHOCKED, again, to find another piece of my artwork surprise me in March as I turned the corner on my way to get a post-chemo bone density scan. I think I scared the x-ray tech when I let out a small scream/major yelp (I was in a hospital afterall and was trying to adult in public). The staff who are on these treasure hunt encounters with me always seem delighted to meet the real person behind the art they walk by every day. It's been really nice to connect with them and squeal together during what would usually be a boring and anxious provider-patient interaction.

While I've experienced many creative rebirths, now at 39yrs old, I'm on another evolution of creativity after a forced journey of self-discovery. When I try to describe what it feels like, the cliché caterpillar-to-butterfly-evolution works in a pinch, but I tend to attribute my journey to that of an apple being squeezed in a cider press on it's way to becoming sparkling cider months later. Ouch! Yes. That already feels more fitting.

PSA: Prevention saves lives. Book regular medical screenings. Listen to your intuition and advocate for yourself!

I am shifting right now and feeling a call to love all the parts of me that have survived this traumatic season. Six months of cancer treatment: 16 rounds of chemotherapy, countless tests and appointments, major bilateral mastectomy surgery, losing my hair, body changes due to steroids + fatigue, lack of energy, loss of taste, peripheral neuropathy (an artist's worst nightmare) and being a mother all the while, really changes a person. I'm very lucky to have received a pCR (pathologic complete response a.k.a. NO MORE CANCER!) I'm ready to meet this version of me who has been patiently waiting to explore herself and uncover what it is to BE ALIVE. This newness feels scary, but I'm gonna show up anyway!

If you made it this far, thanks for joining me on this wild ride. My plan is to update this digital sketchbook/journal/blog/corner of the internet with projects, ideas, and inspirations as they come up.

XO, Anisa